My friends,
As with every issue with Galactic Gourmand Monthly, we’d like to start off with just a few tips, hints, and tricks.
First off, we’d like to remind you that we appreciate you. With the US Government basically admitting the existence of space aliens, and with so many people searching for them, it would be impossible for us to continue leading this lifestyle of pleasure and luxury without you. It takes a worldwide network of the wealthy, powerful, and influential to cover up the spaceships tbat kept trying to land here, and to destroy all evidence of our majestic meals.
There are still films and media which portray us as taking pleasure in eating endangered species, sometimes even finishing a species off. How abhorrent! How gross! How SELFISH. I mean, future generations will NEVER know those flavors. You should be capturing them and breeding them in secret for the table and maybe, if they don’t taste that great, you can release some back in the wild. Who knows what will happen? THAT is just good etiquette.
No, we still find space aliens delicious. And they have an utterly tiny learning curve. Apparently, most spacefaring races which survived have actually gotten rid of most of what we’d think of as social media, and slowed down their communications. So it took a while for people to realize entirely what was happening, as our stun beams are incredibly effective on just about every life form except the Worms of Kukimlima, who taste awful anyway.
Welcome to a gourmet night which would make a Roman Emperor blush. (We used to demonstrate by bringing a real Roman Emperor back to taste it, but as none of us speak Latin, he got very frustrated and we had to feed him to the Cyclops. Who will be AMAZING for our Thanksgiving feast, by the way.
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If you enjoyed this (we won’t tell the Space Aliens!) try The Monstrous Meal of Tom Ramsey
Our next meal will take place on the Solstice, of course. Bring your appetites! This year, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus launched a collective ship on an intergalactic voyage of peace and friendship. We had many long conversations with them about how we should stop eating space aliens and treat them as friends.
I think their problem is that they really can’t believe this is happening. I think they believe that we’re just holding their delegates hostage because we don’t trust them, and the rumors that we eat them are just that, rumors. I think this is so far out of their thinking that they can’t believe it long enough to take it seriously.
Thus, we appear to be the only sentient race in the Universe. The others are too dumb to live.
And far too delicious.
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Welcome newcomers! Greetings, old friends. See you soon. Hint: Bring some hot sauce!
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If you enjoy this, you might like The Monstrous Meal of Tom Ramsey
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