About Jeff Mach

Jeff Mach is:

…the Amazon bestselling author of “There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: Diary of a Dark Lord“, a darkly-satirical, blackly humorous fantasy novel, as well as two collections of short stories (“Villains, Villainy, and Villainpunk”, and “I Hate Your Time Machine”.  He’s also the monstrous mastermind behind Evil Expo, the convention for Villains, happening this February in New Jersey. Jeff’s been writing for over thirty years now, and still can’t  make it through an entire introductory paragraph about himself without remarking on how odd it is to discuss yourself in the third person.

Dark Lord Jeff Mach writes a lot of microfiction, short-short fiction, and brief poems which twist into strange little stories. He’s particularly fascinated by villains and villainy, monsters, dystopias, fairytales gone awry, and the entire world of things ordinarily considered to be Evil, Wicked, Iniquitous, or Simply Not Done. He particularly dislikes White Wizards, Witch-Hunters, Mobs, and anyone whose idea of a discussion is reaching for a pitchfork.


Wherever Creatures of Shadow gather, they speak of Jeff Mach. Granted, what they generally say is, “Who IS that guy, and why are we talking about him, anyway?” Jeff is the creator of the first Steampunk Rock Opera, “Absinthe Heroes”.  He’s been a practicing musician for over three decades years (although, to be honest, for the first decade, he was terrible), and has written a number of song cycles and musicals.  In 2017, he wrote “Beneath”, about the relationships between humans and monsters.

Jeff Mach invented and ran The Wicked Winter Renaissance Faire, The Geeky Kink Event, The Steampunk World’s Fair, The International Steampunk City, The Midsummer Magick Faire, The Anachronism NYC, Halloween in December, and numerous other events whose goals were to bring unusual people together.

According to the Lore, Jeff is forty-four years old and lives in Hackensack, New Jersey, with the company of his collection of several-thousand books, almost all purchased at bag sales for about a quarter a piece.  He loves giving used books a new home.  He prefers writing longhand, and then editing as he types things up.

Jeff’s writing influences include Neil Gaiman, Ursula LeGuin, Daniel Pinkwater, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett.

If you have heard about me through the online mobbing attacks on my life, please see my statement on these allegations.

Some more about me:

Jeff Mach is the first viewer of the Dead Lights. By now they are his preferred evening channel.

Jeff Mach is definitely not here to steal the coconut.

Jeff Mach is the only person that true fear is afraid of.


Who decides hemlines are gonna go up this year, and down next year? Who controls the banks, the stock markets, the movie studios? Jeff Mach is with THEM. Same group, different department. Think of Jeff Mach as a middleman.
Jeff Mach is NOT THE ONE.
Some may say he’s a dreamer, but he claims he’s not the only one.
He runs on sarcasm and spite, and if you tell anyone differently he will continue as he is, but with intensity.
If you believe in rebirth, he’s the “with feeling” in “once more, with feeling”
Jeff Mach hails from an alternate dimension. It is a beautiful, utopian society where famine, poverty and crime have all been abolished. There hasn’t been a war since world war II, and the Earth has learned how to compromise. He left it, because it was not conducive for world domination.


"There and Never, Ever Back Again" - #1 New Release in Parodies

With a looming invasion by the forces of Good, the Dark Lord fills the Chosen One in on the perpetual sarcasm of Elves, that Orcs are not so much ugly as asymmetrical, and that, perhaps, not all who dwell in the Darkness are there of their own volition.

There are no illusions of being a misunderstood ‘Hero’. The Dark Lord has worked and bled to claim that title of ‘Villain’. For the world needs villains, even if most won’t realize it.

Intercut are entries from the Chosen One’s own diary, who is learning there is much grey between Good and Evil. And how little a person is worth compared to the symbol others make of them.

If you like your fantasy neat and tidy, then I wish you a good day. But if you want to think a bit, see the view from the other side of the fence, and just maybe find the words you’ve been wishing someone would say…

Maker Mac
Theophanes Avery