Triffids Make Excelllent Pets

Some kick puppies. Some like the Mets.
I keep Triffids for my pets.
Egads, what strange things Man begets;

I keep Triffids for my pets.

Not even to guard my evil lair;
I’ve fugu fish (oh, very rare)
And certain poison landbound dwellers
And Things I’ve summoned in my cellars;

No, I like Triffids. GIve them hugs.
They’re the reason we got no bugs.
They’ve got long arms, although, it’s true
You oughtn’t let ’em curl ’round you.

And while malodorousness we’re namen’
Please also alert the stamen
Either it’ll blind you and then eat you
Or you’re undead; call Neil Gaiman.

Some things in life are terror-full
And some are oddly lovable
If we might be proper as Benson,
In the final words of Jim Henson

“It’s not easy being green and eating humans”
He wanted to say. But to soon came doomin’
The Triffid escape that they hushed from his cellar…
…but I’ll leave that tale to another teller.

II.

After a century of failed governance
The Triffid Party gained dominance
Of humans they were .00000000000006%
But it was their turn at governant.

Within hours, decades of plan
Took rulership from the hands of man
And gave it to Triffids, undaunted
By the fact that Triffids didn’t want it.

We could not tell their wants
except
(a) reproduce
(b) eat
(c) offer vegetable taunts.

III. Man ended with no bang
and no whimper
Just green stems limp
And human bodies limper.

Of all the dooms of which I’m an apprizer
Of this, become thou wiser:
Our future could be very green
As lovely fertilizer.

______________

Conan, What Is Worst In Life? β€” Jeff Mach Writes

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He'd love for you to check out patreon.com/jeffmach for his favorite work (it's almost all free!) He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market and The Big Dark Lord Dwarf Novel. You can get his last novel, "I HATE YOUR Prophecy", or his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books of shortt fiction. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on X or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

Comments are closed.