If you like this, you might enjoy Pickup Lines For Dwarves: The Revenge.
“Killer dungeons can even be fun — assuming you have a stable of characters ready to go and aren’t particularly attached to any of them.”
— Gary Gygax
What if the Dungeon decided to stop killing and learn to love?
Okay, that’s impossible. But what if the Dungeon had, through, say, long experience, begun to desire more connection with Adventurers than disposing of the corpses?
“Death trap” and “Date spot” sound ALMOST the same. Except for the disembodied hand offering you a drink.
“I have 47 lethal spike traps and zero idea how to flirt. Help a sentient labyrinth out?”
“Most adventurers leave after the boss fight. You came back for the gift shop. I’m in love. Also, everything is now 25% off.”
“I can rearrange my entire layout in 0.3 seconds. I still can’t figure out how to ask you out without sounding like a final boss. Apparently, “I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE ANCIENTS WHO BUILT ME AND I SHALL DESTROY YOU NOW” is only considered romantic by a fairly small percentage of people.
“My treasure room is full of gold. My heart room is full of you. Same difference, except I don’t have a heart room. Can I have a servant bring you some kind of very old wine while I get the Gnomes to work on making one? You’re welcome to some of the treasure; I mostly use it to lure Adventurers to their death anyway.”
“I used to fill my corridors with skeletons. Now I fill them with mood lighting. I was hoping for a little romance. It turns out the skeletons were sexier to absolutely everyone. It’s not the 70s, you know.
“I don’t have a body, but I can make every room feel like it’s hugging you. Too forward? I promise – no spikes and minimal poison!”
“I spawned 12 mimic chests just so you’d have to keep opening things until you found the one that says ‘date me.’”
“I am an ancient evil made of stone and malice. You are a walking plot twist. What if your plot twist is curing my evil and making me Human? …or at least a species you’d be biologically compatible with? C’mon, it’s worth a try!”
“The Orcs do want to kill you and take your loot, but I’d like to let you live and ask for your number. Assuming we have phones in this Universe.”
“I’ve swallowed entire parties. I’ve never swallowed my pride until I saw you in that chainmail bikini. I’m not normally attracted to humans, but you gave my boss monster a heart attack. I may be in love, whatever that is.”
“I don’t do ‘normal dates.’ I do ‘navigate my shifting corridors while I nervously explain my feelings’ dates. However, there’s ice cream.”
“I was built a thousand years ago by a long-gone race of evil snake people. For that millemium, I’ve encountered adventurers. Not only do I want to buy you a drink, but you’re the only one who’s ever made me want to add an exit.”
“I was built to consume heroes. Turns out I was just waiting for the right one to consume this barful of drinks I just built in the middle of myself.”
“Is there truly any trap more powerful than the heart?”
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