Monster Manual Doggerel II

Abominable Yeti

The Yeti’s career
Is full of pauses
They spend three months of the year
As mall Santa Clauses.

The Black Dragon

The Black Dragon’s evil
Disgusts and befouls me
But I admit the acid
Is better than Owlsley

Awakened Shrub

The Awakened Shrub, the Manual states
Is a Shrub that some crazed Wizard creates
The Wizard lets the plant leave the ground
And move itself, and emit sound

Now if I were that shrub, I’d need a mender
‘Cause the first thing I’d do is find a blender
And five minutes after entering life’s movie
I’d see if life was better as a smoothie.

Revenant

In a situation not too hilaric
A Revenant once ate our Cleric
Its soul then lingered unnaturally
Months on our couch? Thirty-three!

Stone Giant

All Stone Giants want is to be left in piece
To relax in contemplation
And disturbing them’s only a good idea
If you really like tenderization.

(You can read more of these over here.)

_____

“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again

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Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.