The Gift of Villainy

If I were to decide to raise a toast
To every absent friend
I’d toast and toast and drink and drink,
Forever, without end.

(I jest, of course. In honesty,
I’d not have a single shot.
For absent, they are, quite certainly;
But friends? No, they were not.)

I’d say that I have loved and lost,
as the expression goes.
It’s true I have lost some love,
but I’ve gained a host of foes.

They ate my time and energy
(How very impolite!)
But finally they left, and now,
at last,
I’ve time to write.

I treasure much the gifts of those
Who gave me a Villain’s name
And took away so many fears,
And so much hurt, and shame.

If I’ve become a thing of Myth,
A monster Herculean,
It’s because I’ve escaped the box
Those bastards all put me in.

I’d be ashamed if even a tenth
Of what they said was truth
But they erased my actual life,
and rewrote my whole youth.

So I come to you a Monster born,
And each day I commit
More crimes than could ever be
Counted, named, or writ.

Each night I sleep, I secretly
Enact a thousand sins;
Each day I lead a Villain’s life
Where no-one ever wins.

And if these horrors in no way
Relate to anything I’ve done,
If what’s real doesn’t matter,
If truth will please no-one,

Then to Villainy I’ll soar!
Because, at last, I’m freed.
So come here close, and I’ll make up
A stream of dirty deeds.

They’ve pushed me into a fairytale,
And made me the Evil Queen,
And since I’ve read that tale before,
I’ve hatched a plot unseen.

With my Magic Mirror, I’ve made friends,
With the plucky heroes? A truce.
My curses and enchantments dark
Have found a better use.

For I’ll wrap words on top of words,
And spit out tales tenfold,
And change the World, a little bit,
With writings strange and bold.

So gather to me, Villains!
As our banner high we raise.
Let fools call you a Monster;
Who could ask for better praise?


~Jeff Mach


My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.