Assorted Fantasy Toasts

A Toast of the Priests of Llolth

“We wish each and every one of you a beautiful sunlit existence. Eat, drink, and be merry, because we’re honestly not sure whether the Sun or your existence is going to end first, but either way, if we were you, we’d hurry.”

A Toast of the Goblins

“It’s not easy being green, although at least we’re not Hob-Goblins.”

A Toast of the Hob-Goblins

“Wait a minute, what’s that supposed to mean?”

A Toast of the Kobolds

“Right, that’s our cue to leave.”

A Toast of the Unicorns

“We’re way too pretty for this.”

A Toast of the Bard

“Shortly, we’ll be able to drink EVERYONE’S beer.”


“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again

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Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market & Spectacle. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN", or "I HATE Your Prophecy"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.