Various Villainous Benedictions

To merriment!
to magic released!
To science strange!
To company sweet!
To alcohol, caffeine, and fairy dust!
To the unexpected, the unexplored, and the impossible!
To good beginnings, safe endings, and a middle we shall never speak of again.
To our hosts!
To our guests!
To you!

Robert Anton Wilson said that Reality is what you can get away with. So we’ll just keep doing what were doinghope the Universe doesn’t notice.

Fiends, Bond Villains, Faeries, Time Travellers, and Weirdness ahoy!

Some tales ask you to enter a world of fantasy and magic. Some ask you into a place of science fiction. We ask “Why not both?”

Uh-oh! Did you wake up in a Universe where your day job is real and Steampunk is imaginary? Get to the nearest dimensional transport ASAP before it’s too late!

Why haven’t aliens contacted us? C’mon. Around these parts, UFOs wouldn’t even be noticed unless they opened theme restaurants.

A Random Sonic Note:

Faeries love the music of the mortal world because it makes you want to dance, unlike the music of Fairyland, which gives you no choice in the matter. Endless life seems enviable from the perspective of a human because most humans never have to deal with a fiddle which moves your legs without your permission and a fiddler who really, truly, literally doesn’t know the meaning of the word “stop”. The music of Fairyland is beautiful in the way a dagger made of carven emerald looks beautiful when it’s dappled with red streaks because it’s piercing your chest. Human music is flawed and fragile and imperfect, and those are reasons why it’s worthwhile to relish every note.

The best way to ensure that monsters don’t eat your children is to raise the kind of children who eat monsters for dinner.

This calls for a cup of industrial-strength tea.

To properly fuel my imagination, I require the kind of coffee which comes with warning stickers and CPR instructions.

With the Green Man, never gamble
Lest you want a mind of bramble.

Steampunk: Powered by tea leaves since imaginary 1813.

It’s time for brandy and cigars. And as long as I have a time machine, it will ALWAYS be time for brandy and cigars!

I like my Steampunk like I like my literature: Full of peculiar happenings and ridiculous words.

We are, as always, talking about Villainpunk, the event which chronicles what happens when the Fae leave Fairyland and Skull Island and rent a massive hotel to throw a world-shattering party. I’m Jeff Mach, creator of Jeff Mach Events, and I’ll be talking about events in general, Villainpunk in particular, and the fact that reality is a terrible excuse for pretty much anything.

(Jeff Mach Events theme song: “An Invitation”:

The walls of Reality are thin
C Am
Strange things are a-creepin’ in!
The walls of Fantasy – surprise!
Am D
Are made of duct tape & French fries
Science fiction – it is known
Am C
Is here already – cover’s blown!

When Actuality’s impounded
You’ll find a world wholly unbounded
If that’s wrong, it can’t be righted
So we’re throwing a party – and you’re nvited




Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.