Pluses of remaining Human:
Food can be nice. I don’t think liches eat.
Although I imagine they can feel physical sensations, since otherwise, it would be very difficult to pick things up.
Other pluses of remaining Human:
…
Liches like cats.
Cats are reputedly fine with liches, although this doesn’t stop the furry little traitors from rubbing up against the legs of any Adventurers lucky enough to slay one.
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CON: Students would be disappointed that they can’t invite me over for a home-cooked dinner.
PRO: Students are terrible cooks.
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Method: Necromancy.
Slay large number of people in dark ritual.
Harness collective soul energy in unholy rite designed to create a horrifying parody of Human life.
Pros: Seems logical.
Cons: Famously never works. Makes you extremely unpopular. Disposing of a large number of corpses is difficult, even if you have a lot of allies who eat Humans. Also, won’t improve relationships between your allies and any possible friendly Humans for them to spend the next six months bragging about the incredible homo sapiens luau you gave them.
Method: Seek out Adventurers and have them slay the Liches and bring you their writings.
Pros: Will acquire more books, also interesting notes and charts.
Cons: Adventurers are idiots. No matter how many times you say ‘Bring back EVERY PIECE OF WRITING’, they persist in coming to you with chest after chest of enchanted treasure, of which you have plenty, and then they say, “Oh, and we dropped off some books at your Library.” Your Library has seventeen entrances. It can take DAYS to find whatever they managed to find and thought was worth bringing back.
PRO/CON: The phrase “We threw out some books to make room for more treasure” is now punishable by death via torture everywhere throughout our Realm.
CON: Liches obviously burn their notes on Immortality for unknown reasons. This is terrifying, when you think about it.
METHOD: Send teams of Librarians searching through every obscure library and bookstore for useful knowledge.
PROS: Books.
CONS: Inevitably leads to the Necronomicon. Continue to be embarrassed every time Nyarlothotep asks for a date. He will not take the hint.
METHOD: Ask currently known Liches for advice.
PRO: Not a bad idea.
CON: Should have tried this BEFORE the Adventurer Slaying Liches route. Oh, well.
Attempt Rite of Ashkente and ask Death to make you immortal in exchange for…
…what the Hell does Death want? No need for money, all the power you could ask for, don’t want to know about sex….
On hold for now.
Method: Do independent research until I FORCE the Universe to give up the secrets of eternal semi-life.
PROS: Will require a LOT of research.
OTHER PROS: Will require a LOT of books.
CONS: Am unfortunately ruling the World. Needs to be administered reasonably well or it will fall into chaos and nobody will write any more books.
FACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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