Have some Goblincore, friends.
“If our shared hoard catches fire and I can only save one thing, I’m grabbing you first, then the really good snail shells, but definitely you second… unless the snail shells are iridescent, in which case we’ll negotiate like civilized goblins.”
“You must be a perfectly damp log because I want to flip you over, see what weird little creatures live underneath, and immediately declare them all my emotional support bugs.”
“I don’t want a prince. I want someone who’ll crawl through the mud with me at 2 a.m. looking for shiny rocks and questionable mushrooms. You free this weekend?”
“Are you a pile of moss and miscellaneous bones? Because I’ve been staring at you for twenty minutes and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with whatever ecosystem is growing on you.”
“They say diamonds are a goblin’s best friend. Clearly they’ve never met you and your suspiciously extensive collection of bottle caps and dead beetles.”
“I would trade my entire hoard of slightly cursed trinkets for one night of getting absolutely filthy in the woods with you and then comparing our findings over lukewarm tea in a chipped mug.”
“You’re greasier than my favorite frying pan and twice as charming. Want to come back to my den and reorganize my jar collection while we listen to frogs argue outside?”
“If I told you that you smell like petrichor, rusty nails, and poor life choices, would you take that as the highest compliment a goblin can give?”
“I don’t do romance. I do ‘strategic alliances involving shared frog memes, competitive mushroom foraging, and suspiciously stained hoodies.’ You in?”
“Your eyes are like two shiny bottle caps I found behind a gas station. I want to hoard them forever and show them to all my raccoon friends.”
“Most people want a soft life. I want someone who’ll help me build a blanket fort out of thrift store finds and then argue about whether the taxidermy squirrel deserves a tiny crown.”
“I’ve been hoarding this slightly wilted bouquet of dandelions and one really good stick for weeks. They’re yours if you let me hold your hand while it’s still covered in dirt.”
“You’re the only creature I’ve ever met who makes me want to stop eating things off the forest floor… but only temporarily. Baby steps.”
“Let’s skip the whole ‘dating’ thing and just move straight to cohabitating in a van covered in stickers, trading weird rocks, and naming every slug we find after our exes.”
“Excuse me, but you just walked past and my little goblin heart did the thing where it vibrates like a dying cicada. I think that means I’m supposed to offer you half my sandwich and show you my collection of broken ceramics. Interested?”
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