“‘Tis said if a Goblin leads you into the woods, you will surely go astray. Can I interest you in moving with me to someplace that has woods?”
“There’s more to life than owning the right club. Having the proper wrist motion is also very, very important.”
“How would you like to share a drink with lips that once kissed the Great Goblin?”
“I’m not actually six Goblins in a trench coat. I’m twelve Goblins in a trench cote. Can I purchase you thirteen driks?”
“Yeah, I do own the Goblin Market that happens every full moon in the third alley behind the alchemy shop. Well, not ‘own’, but I perform a vital function. Okay, it involves a broom, but listen, without me, that place would look terrible. Would you like some gin? I usually start with a bottle and work my way up.”
“No, seriously—I’m the one who started the whole ‘leave milk and bread out for the goblin’ tradition. It was a scam for free snacks. Worked for centuries. Now I’m trying a new one: leave out your phone number and maybe a shot of whiskey. Deal?”
“I mean, in Korea, we dokkaebi love storms, are famed for our wit and riddles, and often use them in the art of seduction. On the other hand, here in the US, we’ve learned that you believe we have prehensile ears.”
“Dance, magic dance!
Drink, magic drink!”
“Goblin skulls are Goblin bone
Your axe will dream of grinding stone.”
“As a tommyknocker, not only do I sometimes come home with souvenirs from the mine, like a diamond the size of your fist…I also have a great sense of rhythm. It almost makes up for looking like a large green lump of dough with limbs, depending on whom you ask.”
“After a long day rewarding the good children and punishing the bad ones, I like to unwind with a soothing glass of herbal tea… spiked with Everclear. Care to join me before the next naughty list gets updated?”
“We’ve been guarding this Tengu mine since time immemorial. I’m not saying that I have prospects, but if you and I have children, our great-great-great-great-great grandkids might actually get to see what’s inside.”
“You’re a Theosophite, I’m a fallen fairy who’s conveniently green and pointy-eared. Why don’t we ring up Crowley’s Scarlet Woman and see if she’s free for tequila? I promise the ritual won’t get weird… okay, it might get a little weird.”
“Goblins tend to do things in groups. Can I buy you a dozen drinks?”
“Tolkien claims that Goblins can’t make beautiful things. Want to get together and prove him wrong?”
“We’re some of the Goblins who serve the Dark Lord, mostly because the Dark Lord serves the best grapefruit daiquiris in this Universe, and also, hitting things is exactly as much fun as you’d think it is. Want a drink?”
“Can I interest you in both of us buying drinks until one of us looks like Jareth?”
“This is a terrible wine. I wouldn’t actually drink it; I mostly keep it in case I need to marinate a thighbone.”
“We follow our own paths\
We make our own roads
We drink our own moonshine
And lick our own toads.”
_________
Try my really infrequent literary email list?
Read my books?
Try my mostly-free Patreon.
Comments are closed.