“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”
~Terry Pratchett
I wouldn’t say that Goblins take a lot of sleep potions and drink coffee. It’s not entirely true. MANY of us do that, but some have realized that the coffee makes them irritable and grumbly in the mornings, ESPECIALLy after a little too much sleep potion/hangover.
It’s hard for an ever-active mind to sleep. Although theoretically it’s quite possible to devote that activity exclusively to sleeping, it’s a skill that seems to drift in and out of most Goblin minds.
As Glork put it, “I once cut all of my caffeine from my diet. I was calm, friendly, helpful, and stayed in one place for all of the twelve hours it took me to wake up. Is that a boon to Humanoid, or what?”
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Hi, I’m Jeff Mach and I write things. If you liked that, feel free to buy my books on Amazon or Audible, or, heck, buy any books at all. You might also enjoy The Very Hungry Hobbit.
Goblins generally have a philosophy towards “more”, and it is, “More! More! MORE! MORE! MORE!” Coffee offers a wonderful paradox: drink some and wake up, then crash a bit; wake too much and it’ll put you back to sleep, or at least temporarily give you the sensation of having been pulled from your grave by a very lethargic Necromancer.
Jeff compromises by drinking six cups a day. How do you EXPECT this book came into being? A. Goblin also drinks coffee; he won’t say much, but it’s “more than six cups, fewer that the number of cigarettes James Bond goes through in a day.) (Which is about seventy.)
Coffee is bad for you. Overstimulates your heart, masks genuine fatigue, subtly gives you the shakes and the irritability and the high-levels of—
Say, Arthur? As long as you’re making a pot, can I have some?
All hail Caffeina, Goddess of Energy
We say we’ll give you up, but really, when will we?
Those who drink tea might eat tea-cakes and preen
But coffee-drinkers like to FEEL our caffeine.
Pain and pleasure’s a cliché’ idear
But sleepiness is what we fear.
Then, when bedtime comes, we hypocritically
Criticize the coffee, hopefully wittily.
Caffeina, how thy blessings are mixed!
But by you, sleepiness is often fixed
We love you and hate you, and as time unspools
You help us, on waking, not be total fools.
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