“A Postcard From Ravenloft”
I do love being in Ravenloft!
I stand no chance of getting soft
It’s easy being a farmer when
The Sun comes out one day in ten
Instead, I farm strange berries and fruits
(I tip Bards, They store them in lutes.)
They make you happy and invulnurable
Please send no more Vampires. I’m getting full.
___
Creator-God P’tahsaid “Build”
And that’s the only way I’ll be fullfilled
Have your Gods of love and battle;
Your history’s a baby’s rattle.
But what I build, when people feel it
Will take their whole life, and unreel it.
P’tah, I can no temple build
But with your worship am I filled
I’ll make for you until I burst.
For I am blessed. Not cursed.
____
A toast! To sliced bread! And the battle tomorrow in which most of us will explode.
____
Who ever thought a Giant Sloth
Would be out there, getting wroth
Among werewolves, skeletons, flaming eyes
Now, the sloth IS giant, as the name implies
Its teeth are sharp. It’s swipe is slashing
And if you serve with potato, don’t ever stop mashing.
(It’s very though, you see, albeit not very bright.)
An Impoveisd Version Of The Villain’s Toast
To all the Villains I have known,
the ones I’ve fought,
the ones I’ve grown,
the one who ran off with my clone
(they sent me pictures of the wedding) –
To all the Villains I’ve admired
The working ones, and those retired,
The lurking ones, who’ve long conspired
To find the World’s an oyster they’ve acquired)
If to Hades we’re all heading:
When I blow this Earthly gasket,
Shoot me straight out of my casket,
For this is the truth, and I won’t mask it:
I’ve bought us all a vast handbasket –
With dark cool seats (the leather’s real)
And a hot tub (with an eel)
And a minibar (and I did steal
The finest beverages (reveal:
Villains drink Absinthe for the taste.
___
The only ones who use REAL cat burglars:
Two strange names hard cle to forget:
The obvious “cat girl”;
The Egyptian Bastet.
Cat girl steals. But she’s very clever
And highly sophisticated
Basted doesn’t steal. If it’s not worth her talking,
It’s just plain overrated.
_____
Do something ridiculous today. We all deserve a break.
You could buy my audiobooks if you really wanted.
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