Deadly Pudding

The monster known as “Deadly Pudding”
Is a good example of “They did so much ‘If I could-ing’
That they didn’t think enough,
“But… should?—ing.

Deadly Puddings are dungeon dwellers
And a boon to healing-potion-sellers.
They’ll eat Adventurers like corn on the cob;
They’re suspiciously similar to ‘The Blob’.

Deadly Puddings are dungeon inhabitants
And familiar undertaker-slab-inants
Sure they’re weird, but be no critic:
They’re oddly strange, and quite acidic.

Dragons might have breath explosive
But compare that to pudding-spoo corrosive
Sure, the Dragon might fry you like a wonton
But the pudding might split you like a Taunton.

I’ve always wondered. And I’ll ask again.
AD&D first had Elves and Men…
…Hobbits, Dwarves, and other players
And monsters in assorted layers:

Trolls, Goblins, Vampires, Orcs
(All recognizable to us, because we’re dorks.)
Traditional monsters are sufficiently gooding;
Why the heck did we need fatal pudding?

I find this particularly scary
As I’m prone to poems culinary
And since I understand my venue,
I realize this monster is destined for the menu.

I don’t know. I’ve never got
Why dungeons are inhabited by living snot
But if they must be, then I’ll try to recall
The proper words for ‘Fireball’.

If pudding wants to make me a ghost,
Then that pudding can damn well roast.
Pudding is dangerous and funny-looking.
I think it could be improved by cooking.

 


My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market & Spectacle. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN", or "I HATE Your Prophecy"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.