I Hate The Paladin

I surely hope that it’s a sin,
How much I hate the Paladin.
Hate something more? No, you can’t win
‘Gainst how much I hate the Paladin.

Oh, it’s true, I hate Bards more
There’s a part of my brain that’s perma-sore
From Bards that I just couldn’t ignore;
Bards are the vacuum I abhor.

Sure, they’re useful in a fight, just…
…unbelievably self-righteous.
I mean, I’d rather be painted plaid
Than have to deal with Galahad.

Paladins cast useful spells
But I still wish them into seven hells.
Paladins swing mighty swords,
But please let me cut their cords!

I’d rather team up with a carnivorous tree
Than a warrior Paladiny,
Rather have my party et by a Lich
Than a Paladin, making my hands itch.

Bring me a Paladin! Bring me twelve!
Let me my meat-grinder unshelve.
Some like poison, some like the noose;
For Paladins, I’ve a useful use.

Paladin burgers on +1 Buns!
Paladin meat loaf! (I could eat tons.)
Paladin sausage (no double entendre)
Impossible Paladin (too weird to ponder).

Paladins, Paladins refuse to yield
Each one’s a yummy, meaty shield.
I hate them as humans, I really do
But I’ve always got room for Paladin Ragout.

My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!