Rod of Blunders
Item That Would Be Really Useful Only Your Apprentice Stole It To Try To Do Something Powerful And Societally Inappropriate And Now You’re Left With A Broken Item And A Very Guilty-Looking Frog.
Crossbow, +5 Against Anything Immune To Crossbow Bolts
Vorpal Banana Pudding
Tome of Incomprehensibility
Exploding Earrings
The All-Seeing, All-Judging Eye
Choker of Choking
Suds of Laundry Cleansing
Potion of No Effect Whatsoever
Sorcery of Frightening Lack of Anything Happening
Axe of Magical Precision +3.141526535897932384626433
Nine and A Half Sided Die
Portable Chasm To The Center of the Earth
Helm of Unbelievably Inconvenient Alignment
Unlit Candle of Darkness Cursing
Boots of Pinching
Bigby’s Backscratcher of Itch Increase
The Oil of Aphrodite (leaded)
The Dust of the Grand Wazoo
Girdle of Giant Strength and Even Bigger Dislike of Wearing Girdles
Bow Tie of Choking & Gasping
Potion of Children’s Cough Syrup
World-Devouring Maw of Annihilation
Acerak’s Adorable Kittens
Belly Button of Vecna
Horn of Honking
Flute of Rat Dating
Drums of Elevenness
Phylactery Of Not Being Entirely Sure What A Phylactery Is And Also Being Eaten By Giant Eagles
Crystal Squircle
Lucky Zero-Headed Coin
Ring of Superior Invulnerability (the RING is invulnerable, you see…)
70,000 League Boots
Iron Teeth of Extreme Veganism
Book of Vaguely Unpleasant Details
Bracers of Ill-Considered Xena Cosplay
Potion of Dropping A Volcano On The Entire Kingdom And Starting Over
Bagpipes of Haggis-Making
Tome of Thoroughly Useless Information
Teddy Bear of Thumb-Sucking
Goblet of Buying Two Drinks And Getting The Third Half Price
Pinky Ring of Being Terribly Gangster
Codex of Things That Are Not Helpfully Organized In A Codex
Djinn Bottle of Wishing You Didn’t Have This Bottle
Clogs of Twerking
Iron Rations of Pure Junk Food
Horn of Blasting the Fourth Wall
_____
“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― There and Never, Ever Back Again
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