We Villainpunks, we did it all.
We’re the reason your favorite show was cancelled. No, no, we’re not. We’re just kidding.
We’re the reason your favorite show was cancelled AND THEN BROUGHT BACK, ONLY REALLY BAD, and then it got GOOD, and THEN, THEN, then then then THEN, it was cancelled.
We’re the ones behind the Klondlebleemer murders.
No, really.
We mean it.
We–
The Klondlebleemer murders?
The Klondlebleemer murders?
Well, they were bad. We did them. Honest.
Whatever they were. We’re not sure. But we heard, on the Internet, that we’d done it. And (as everyone points out) if it’s on the Internet, it must be true, as long as the people who say it are voting for the people you like.
We’re monstrous. We can’t keep track of our crimes. We’ve been accused of so many that we’re excited; this surely means were going to find or (even better) invent or (obviously best) steal a time machine sometime in the future so we can do so many things all at once.
Or the Internet is wrong, but THAT, that’s ridiculous, and we’re sorry we even mentioned it.
We’re looking for blame here, is what we’re saying. Blame us! Blame us! We did it!
We’re not even masochists.
We don’t even LIKE it.
We’re THAT weird.
We’re just Villains because we’re Villains.
We’ve met Heroes.
We tried being Heroes.
Heroes do more damage AND have to all think fairly alike. That’s what “lawful good” is all about.
We’re happier with ‘unlawful chaos’.
Join us!
They say we have more fun for a simple reason: It’s true, oh, it’s true.
_____
“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― There and Never, Ever Back Again
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