Villainpunk Is

(What is Villainpunk, actually? Have a look:

But we like these definitions, as well.)

Villainpunk is foiling James Bond through your quick wit, your careful tactics, and your sheer lust for money, power, and candy; but, to be fair, Villainpunk is also James Bond; the man’s a stone-cold killer.

Villainpunk is how many rapacious CHOMPS it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll.

Villainpunk is letting the Heroes escape because they think they’ve got what they were after, when in reality, the whole thing was just a ruse to blind them away from your other, more significant, more meaningful plans.

Villainpunk is the third-best reason to wear a cape; and no, we’re certainly not going to tell you what the other two are.

Villainpunk is knowing exactly the cost of a smile.

Villainpunk is where you go when the Heroes kick you out and you realize they’ve just given you the biggest gift of your life.

Villainpunk is waffles. It just is. Waffles are great.

Villainpunk is why we CAN have nice things. And we might even share, depending on how you ask.

Villainpunk is what you can get away with.

Villainpunk is tunneling through to the Center of the Earth because it’s there, and letting all the hot magma cover civilization because, realistically, civilization just looks prettier that way.

Villainpunk is what you can’t get away with, but what you do anyway, because it’s better than listening to the bland moralizing of hypocritical know-it-alls.

Villainpunk is very, very suspicious.

Villainpunk is the basic Vogonity of your favorite poetry.

Villainpunk is slightly cheaper than the alternative, and has “Okay, NOW You Can Panic” written across its metaphorical cover in large, threatening letters.

Villainpunk is totally wrong, and that’s just one of the things we love about it.


~Jeff Mach


My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities and create things. Every year, I put on Evil Expo, the Greatest Place in the World to be a Villain. I also write a lot of fantasy and science fiction.. You can get most of my books right here. Go ahead, pre-order I HATE Your Prophecy“. It may make you into a bad person, but I can live with that.

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.