(Actually, my upcoming Dwarf / Dark Lord novel is coming along great. I’m not saying that I’m writing this entirely to tease another creator who has terrible writer’s block.
…you remember the part where I told you I was a bad person, right?)
- This is an excellent time to take a stroll through that field of unchained Triffids in an effort to see if you really ARE immune to Triffid poison like that fortune cookie said.
- There is absolutely no reason why you couldn’t go to dental school starting today. You might need a few years. We’ll wait.
- Are you currently a hiphop artist? If so, disregard this advice. If not, don’t worry: it’s easy! Best idea right now would be to watch the opening to ‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air”, which will teach you everything you need to know, then stand on the nearest streetcorner freestyling.
- About your dog-petting hobby: remember EVERY pit-bull is friendly.
- Perhaps you just need the right music. You’re sure you could write better if you had Beethoven’s Fifteenth Symphony in the background. If he didn’t write one, maybe he’ll start. We’ll wait.
- The best way to battle a serious video game addiction is to have undergone a (relatively) minor video game addiction first, so you’re used to it. You’re CERTAIN that next year’s video games will be incredibly addictive. The only way you could POSSIBLY get anything done then is if you build up a resistance by fighting a minor addiction now.
- So yes, this is a GREAT time to google “Most addictive video game” to make sure you can defeat such human picadilloes.
- Also, if your current project feels ambitious, remember L. Ron Hubbard’s “Mission Earth” dekology was really ambitious, but sort-of terrible. Go read it. All of it. This will totally inspire you to do better.Trust us.
- Maybe you really need the right music, but Beethoven’s 9th should be fine, and we know that exists. You can definitely write while that’s playing. Where is your nearest philharmonic orchestra, and how much will they charge to let you sit next to the conductor with a laptop in your lap?
- We’re just kidding. Nobody has written anything ever. Even this page doesn’t exist. Or does it? You really need to prove the Universe and define its metaphysics before you have any RIGHT to right a novel. Not the Universe of your novel, that’s easy; the real Universe. Only after you understand that can you write a decent book.
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