March 5, 2026 / dungeondoggerel

Somehow There’s More Dungeon Doggerel

On Ankhegs
Good things to say about ankhegs:
They have fairly lank legs
They’re flexible and prehensile
And there’s six of them, because they’re insectile
They may spit acid. And like ambushes
And they even have armored tushes.
They’re armored like lobsters. But take note:
They don’t taste like ’em. (That’s my vote.)
____
About Blink Dogs
Blink Dogs makegood pets, but YEESH—
It’s quite inconvenient to have a 30′ leash.
___
It’s Actually Rather Difficult To Write Poetry About Carrion Crawlers
One monster who isn’t much of a baller
Is the humble carrion-crawler
You may not know with what you’re dealing
Until it drops on you from your ceiling.
It finds your corpses highly prized
And tries to leave you paralyzed
It probably won’t be your end.
But if you die in a dungeon, your corpse will feed it, friend.
___
On The Multitudinous Virtues Of Doppelgangers 
You know who’s totally a banger?
The very sexy Doppelganger
They’re superior life forms. Evolved
So that the problem of form is solved:
They simply take on the forms of others
(Cute ones, if they have their druthers.)
If you think for doppelgangers I’m a bit mental.
I’m TOTALLY not one.
It’s just coincidental.

____

What Will Probably Become A Longer Poem About Ettins Later

If you happen to be an Ettin
There’s a lot of Drow lovin’ you could be gettin’.
Eight legs? I prefer two heads
Which don’t use webbing for their beds.
___

In Which I Am Needlessly Cruel To Gnolls

If you were to take a poll,
Nobody wants to date a Gnoll
There’s nothing which extends even a patina
Over something that lies like a Human,
and laughs like a Hyena.

_____

Yet Another Little Piece About Gorgons

Trying to battle beasts Gorgonic
Is generally quite moronic.
Although, at least the mortuary
Will gain some lovely statuary.

___

Puddings: The Horror

If there’s one thing no Americans lack
It’s pudding–either Blood, or Black
One’s unspeakable, disgusting, oozing
The other, for some reason, people eat out of choosing.

Black puddings are monsters, that’s no lie.
But at least you’re not obligated to eat them after they die.

__

Invisible Stalkers

When it comes to fights, I’m not usually a balker
But I do hate fighting the invisible stalker.
It ambushes you and destroys your timing
It’s really bad for completing your rhym–

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Categoriesdungeondoggerel Dungeons & Dragons Jeff's Writing poems

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He'd love for you to check out patreon.com/jeffmach for his favorite work (it's almost all free!) He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market and The Big Dark Lord Dwarf Novel. You can get his last novel, "I HATE YOUR Prophecy", or his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books of shortt fiction. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on X or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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