So this would be a spoiler for the second book in the Dark Lord / Dwarf trilogy…if, you know, it wasn’t obvious.
If surface-dwellers go to war with people who intentionally live underground, create and adapt almost every part of their environment to suit their lives, and use tools because their hands generally feel empty without them, what do you expect?
Dwarves are not likely to have the fanciest cities, the most extravagant of gourmet feasts, the most inventive weaponry imaginable.
But there are certain compensations, depending on how you look at it.
Fight the Dwarves? Here’s a surprise:
Rocks fall. Everybody dies.
We’re sure the Dwarves are telling lies.
(Rocks fall. Everybody dies.)
We’re certain the Dwarves have been mislead
(Everyone’s got rocks in their head.)
And not all of our soldiers are dead.
(Everyone’s got rocks in their head.)
We have the Light! We have the Will!
(We have Total Party Kill.)
Dwarven Lore is surely swill.)
(We have Total Party Kill.)
In the tunnels! Trapped like rats!
(Rocks fall. Sorry, bats.)
We’ll remove their heads from their pointy hats!
(Rocks fall. Sorry, bats.)
[This we thought: The Dwarves are few.
Their cause unjust. Their thoughts, un-new.
In Underdark their lives are spent;
Our swords would bring Enlightenment.]
[…new armies gather even now.
They’ll take the tunnels yet. Somehow.
And if we lose, we’ll claim to be victors;
There are no survivors to be contradictors.]
Here’s the thing that breaks our locks:
They have more lies than we have rocks.
But here’s a spark that slowly burns:
Eventually, they’ll wonder why no-one returns…
_________
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