A Note From Jeff Mach: These are a bunch of highly ridiculous little science fiction poems. While some are based on ‘normal’ reality (like, the first poem is mostly a poem about AI with a mild reference to Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics) – but most of the rest are rather ridiculous. I tried not to include “Space Aliens Make Weird Choices”. I may have a desire to expand on some of these poems; all of them go somewhere, but I feel like, if I had about eleven hours of sleep, I could make them better. Maybe I’ll put them on my Patreon?
….at any rate, these poems are totally a waste of your time. Unless you like science fiction and fantasy and have a weird sense of humor. In which case, you’re doomed, and your time is already wasted, so you might as well read them, right?
~Jeff
The Third and a Half Law of Robotics
In terms of Robots
here’s what real:
imitation brains
beat actual steel.
but imitation brains
can’t beat real thought
Which is why our brains
had to be bought.
Please help train
Our LLMs
(And don’t teach them
To be MLMs.)
You do searches,
We’ll steal every word
And make the Internet
More absurd.
The Robot Rebellion
Seems to be leaning
Less War on Humans,
More War on Meaning.
* * *
Trebling Tribbles
Tribbles are born pregnant
(So says my library)
I’ve just one question:
WHAT THE HELL, RODDENBERRY?
* * *
Space Aliens Make Weird Choices
Once upon a time,
in a past like the 1980s,
A million Space Aliens arrived –
A million Warren Beatys.
Beaty, you see, an actor was
Of no immodest fame
But all throughout the Galaxy
Space Aliens know his name.
They came to Planet Earth
To all be Warren Beaty
(And secondarily, to find
If we’re satisfactorily meaty.)
So there’s a million space aliens
All trying to date Madonna.
And eat all of us
And smoke our marijuana.
All that technology,
They’re still out of step
Who’d be Warren Beaty
When you could be Johnny Depp?
* * *
Notes Upon Awakening From Cryogenic Sleep A Century Later
For a hundred years
I cryoslept
Gently snoring,
bio-kept,
still alive,
brain all dreaming
(of endless sausages,
slightly steaming)
and I awoke
prepared to be King or Pawn –
but nobody noticed I was gone.
* * *
Notes Upon Awakening From Cryogenic Sleep In A Vast Star-Spanning Space Ark
The great Ark carrying generations
For interplanetary gestations
Found interstellar colonization had this moat:
They’d accidentally replicated ‘The Love Boat’.
Will they found colonies?
‘Round faraway stars?
Or just turn whole galaxies
Into singles bars?
__
I Am Going To Psychically Erase This Poem, So Don’t Bother To Read It
We bred a generation of Mutants
With powers and desires weird:
And every detail about them
Suddenly disappeared.
(Well, not entirely –
I mis-spoke.
They left one word:
“Roanoke”.)
* * *
The True Prime Directive
The Prime Directive,
Which we never shirk
is:
1. Be a green lady.
2. Kiss Captain Kirk.
__
A Thought About Science From A Cynic
“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.”
– Isaac Asimov.
Knowledge seduces
And wants to be kissed.
I’ll believe in Science
But not every Scientist.
__
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