Krampus and Kringle, two peas in a pod
One spares the child, one spoils the rod
One some kind of demon or God,
the other unclassifiable.
The hand of Mercy; the path of pain.
Which reinforcement will the subject retain?
What’s ought a pup learn again and again?
What makes this experiment viable?
One’s magic is strange, without question,
Knowing what you desire ‘fore you ask the question,
The other would be a subject for arrestion
If he weren’t a sort of a cryptid.
You might seem them as Yin” and “Yang”
But they’d see themselves as “Thank!” and “Bang!”
Krampus offers this harangue
(Listen to the imp with the whip, kid) –
“Not all whose actions deserve afrightedness
Do so because of angry shortsightedness
Recent thinking’s full of blightedness:
It’s not Hell alone that’s convincing”.
And up speaks Kringle, not, here, mirthful:
“Madmen? Why, we’ve got an entire Earthful
And it’s why hope is painfully dearthful –
Brainwashing, brainwashing, brainrinsing.”
The Hell law claimed that Hell’s worst places
Were reserved for those who were loudest about its embraces;
You’ll find the strongest brimstone traces
‘Mongst those who most greatly fear burning.
And in secular terms, we laugh at afterlife
Leaving you free, completely, to craft your life
Alone, isolated, in an ocean, one raft’s your life;
Small, soon punctured, and unturning.
So Krampus and Kringle have brought us, this season
Not dualism, nihilism, pessimism, or maddened unreason
But a simple joined hope (that bitterest treason):
Stop fearing, and get on with doing.
Fear not that Krampus’s sack will soon tie you
Fear not Kringle will all of your wishes deny you
Turn to the maddening crowd, and shout, “I defy you!”
Turn aside from all of your pointless ruing.
Both Kringle and Krampus? This much will they tell.
Don’t be a prisoner of Heaven or Hell
or even of Nothing (for that’s a trap as well)
None of these things will lighten your soul.
Kringle might bring toys. But know this in your bone:
You’re better off making some toys of your own.
And if you’ve a warrior’s heart, Krampus leaves you alone
In short: Be hard to control.
Our moral? Here’s a small one, ‘fore I drop the mic –
As the holidays approach like an asteroid strike
Tighten your armor. Plant firmly your pike.
Be what you are. Not what you think they would like.
~Jeff Mach
The preceding essay was brought to you by Dark Lords For Azathoth, and may not necessarily reflect the views of the being who wrote, edited, posted, and marketed this document.
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities and create things. Every year, I put on Evil Expo, the Greatest Place in the World to be a Villain. I also write a lot of fantasy and science fiction. You can get most of my books right here. Go ahead, order “I HATE Your Prophecy“ It may make you into a bad person, but I can live with that.
