Once you’ve kissed a Megaladon,
You’re not likely to be moving on;
They lack lips, so the smooching isn’t great,
But they open wide on the very first date.
I know a Dentist who loved his work
(The laughing gas was a lovely perk.)
He liked to scream, and he liked to rant,
Until he was eaten by a plant.
Vampire, Vampire, toothsome spirit
I’ve got all this blood;
Why not disappear it?
Vampire, Vampire, thirsty ghoul
Now I’ll become you
(That’s the rule.)
__
The Emperor of All Creation
Shook his head in twitterpation.
“Everything,” he said, “awaits my command,”
“and it’s everything, ALL!… that I don’t understand.”
__
The Seekers found the ancient Vault,
In the ancient frozen Caves
Where ancient Demons and Devils
Held fairly popular raves.
__
Once upon a midnight cheerful
While I pondered, crazed and fearful,
Over “The Necronomicon Coloring Book”
As I pondered, nearly insane
There came a golden cosmic rain
My soul blinked out of existence and my pineal gland shook.
__
The Great Computer thundered once,
“I shall not grant your wish!
My infinite mind is busy
Playing an infinite game of ‘Go Fish’.”
__
An army of ten thousand Dwarves
And ten thousand angry Elves
All started making out
With each other and themselves.
The Orcs they sneered and laughed
(Damn their blackened souls!)
As they got back to their main work:
Busily smooching Trolls.
__
All my money and my time is spent
In the full-time pursuit of wooing an Ent.
She’s bigger than I, but I give no figs
We’ll get married and raise a whole bunch of twigs.
___
Some say the World will end in fire,
Others say in ice,
The ones who say “Banana pudding”
are exceptionally lucky guessers.
___
He amused himself
And his cheerful captors
By singing sweet songs
And breeding raptors.
__
“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― There and Never, Ever Back Again
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