Even More Little Poems

My Time Machine is broken again
It only takes me to Otherwhen
When I clearly set it for Neverwhere
(At times when I am never there.)

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Pigs don’t supply pork for pork and beans
They know the secrets of Soylent Greens…

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I stubbed my toe on the cabin’s first level
And ran into the Jersey Devil
It consumed both my feet
So I felt quite incomplete
And could no longer dance at the revel.

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Your destination
Is a hallucination.
It’s no twist,
You just don’t exist.

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Let’s drink a toast
To liquified toast!
Melted with butter
And your now-late host.

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There once was a spy named Bond
Whom with spy-girls did often abscond….
…you know, we’ll leave the rest of this out,
just to be on the safe side.

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We would all mourn their untimely passin’s
But they did piss off the Guild of Assassins
So their deaths aren’t exactly unexpected
(Their tombstones conspicuously un-erected.)

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Let none forget the Guild of Thieves,
The Guild in whom no-one believes.
Why is that? I think I’ll call it:
They’ll disappear your witness…and your wallet.

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They say a TARDIS is bigger
On the inside than on the out
As for my Mobius TARDIS,
I’m probably just a lout.

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Dogs are perky,
Cats are sly,
Beholders blink
And then you die.

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My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market & Spectacle. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN", or "I HATE Your Prophecy"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.