Here Be Silly Little Fantasy Poems

If you’d like me to write a silly bit of Dungeon Doggerel for the beings of your choice, email your creature selections to [email protected].

All my silly poetry is dedicated a much greater poet. Thank you as always, Shel.

“Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
‘Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain’t been there before.”
― Shel Silverstein

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I wish I hadn’t met an Ent
Wearing a Helm of Opposite Alignment.

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I often write of Unicorns
More than Goblins, Dwarves or Norns
I guess their alleged purity
Makes my hate for them a surety–
Either that, or else my hobby
Has been bought by the powerful Griffin lobby.

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Triffids are valid;
I need them for salad.

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Ogres suffer no romantic snubs;
They don’t date each other,
They just love their clubs.

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Living statuary
May, in general shape, vary,
But when things get hairy,
They precede a mortuary.

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The Hippopotamus, so I’m told
Gave birth to the legend of Sirens.
(They’re secretly very romantic,
Like 125 Lord Byrons.)

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Trolls regenerate, but fear fires;
I’m pretty tough,
but I hate liars.

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Gargoyle Poem I: The Kindly Old Wizard Who Hired Me To Build Some Decorations For The Foreboding Tower In Which He Happens To Live Seems Surprisingly Unsurprised At This Outcome

All that toil
To carve a Gargoyle!
One hardly approves
When the damn thing moves.

(The rest of the poem is just screaming noises.)

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The Wicked Witch has skin of green;
She’s often Kermit for Halloween.

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An Orc with torque
Can twerk with perks:
Their posteriors
Are highly superior.

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Gargoyle Poem II: Tomb of Horrors

This Gargoyle is quite mutated
It has four arms, and they’re all serrated
We suspect it’s not elated
When ’tis time to be defenestrated.

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Pitchforks, check
Torches, too
We’ll get the Monster,
Then come for you.

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Once he fell in love with a sexy Ent
And on her all his money was spent
Now this sad fact, he still mourns:
He’s paying child support on three acorns.

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You know you live in a boring Reality
When the Temple of Elemental Evil
Becomes a Temple of Mild Depravity.

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Ogre angry? Ogre smash!
Ogre burn to burning ash!
Ogre fury has no twin–
When it comes out,
Ogre win.

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If you read this ancient tome,
Ominous and foreboding,
You’ll soon find out this ancient zone
Is for loading and unloading.

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Amongst salesmen of every kind,
This one gets the cold shoulder:
The lucky guy who has the franchise
To sell Visine to Beholders.

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Nature’s Immutable Laws Of things going Wrong