We’re sorry about these poemettes
We write them with many regrets
We’d write something real,
But then we might feel,
And if that happens…off are all bets!
___
My time machine is broken, then;
It only takes me to Otherwhen
(Or maybe that’s just because
I asked it to take me to Neverwas.)
___
There once was a sentient pig
Who grew most magically big
He preferred sows
Who were the size of cows
(Though for him, they cared not a fig.)
__
The Midgard Serpent, I am told
Engirdles the entire World
But ask the Kraken (if you dare)
Just where its tail is curled.
__
The Infinite End of All Things
Grew an inconvenient pair of wings
And escaped from their pen
Flew to Earth, and then…
Well, just don’t answer when The End rings.
__
Squeeze the stress ball ’til it bursts,
You’re doing it a favor
The stress ball stresses until it hurts;
Death’s a relaxing savor.
__
I once dated a superhero
She had the power to change poems
So that they no longer rhymed
And were extremely complimentary towards her,
because she was awesome and she deserved it,
damn her.
__
“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― There and Never, Ever Back Again
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