Category: Jeff’s Writing

“Please climb out of that volcano.”
-Randall Monroe

Bubbling, bubbling, toiling, troubling,
Stones are Henging, Telescopes Hubble-ing,
and Volcanos wait, once or twice,
for delicious Sacrifice.

Of all the things (what are the odds?)
Of all the things that are actually Gods
Don’t ask how your Narrator knows,
But some of them are Volcanos.

I have no knowledge Polynesian
(I was raised Discordian / Erisian)
If Volcano God love you’d love to win
Certainly throw a virgin in.

This is the truth; solid as rock
Park Knowledge in Certainty’s dock.
To avoid lava immersion,
Into the Volcano,
hurl a Virgin.

Atlanteans might fear a flood
And the Fertile Crescent bathes in blood
It’s lava, though, that causes panic
For cities spawned near mounts Volcanic.

It’s eldritch, weird, selcouth, freaky
When volcanoes get leaky
You need a virgin (not her fault!)
Unless you’d like lots of basalt.

Now one reason that the practice is
Not entirely uncorrupt:
Sometimes you throw a virgin in
And the thing will still erupt.

Here’s the thing. It’s not pretty.
It also isn’t nice.
Volcanos do enjoy
A virgin sacrifice.

But what really appeases
Their gesticulation
Is for the molten magma
To swallow your civilization.

Who was the first Volcano Priest?
Of him, I’m a despiser.
He knew his sacrifice was surely
Just an appetizer.

-Jeff Mach

____

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Note: Though I have some past (quite positive) association with Raven Kaldera, this has nothing to do with them. I do have increasing respect for their name, though.

The Witch walks boldly; she won’t scuttle. She’s a lot of things, none of which…