“The March of the Brave Free Men” may be one of the most popular songs ever written. No single Bard is credited with writing it, although several have claimed credit. It seems to have popped up all over the Western lands almost all at once.
But it was a season of songs preparing for the upcoming War against the Dark Lord. “Orcs Are Treacherous And Also Smell Bad”, by Bealer the Bard, was a novelty hit for weeks. No-one pointed out that the average Orc bathes significantly more often than Bealer.
Conspiracy theorists say that the Bardic Guild Hall in Hoboken, the capital of the West, contains a series of offices wherein a number of not-particularly-musical people strategize what’s likely to sell this year and what’s likely to be popular. They’re probably wrong.
But it’s certain that when Bards gathered in taverns (has anyone actually seen a Bard somewhere other than a tavern, a town square, or, depending on your relationship with said bard, a bedroom?) they had a clear idea in mind:
Songs about how they were going to obliterate the enemy would get their drinks bought for at least the first year of the war.
It was a great Winter to be a Bard. Songs about the upcoming defeat of the Dark Lord were, indeed, popular, as were songs about her negative personal habits, the pure evil of all those siding with her, and the utter shining Goodness of those who opposed her.
It was INCREDIBLY inconvenient for them when Alice won the War.
But a Bard will do quite a lot to protect his free drinks.
Look…Bards were already the main source of news for most people. What if they just…exaggerated a little bit?
It’s not as if the Armies of the West were particularly anxious for a deep investigation as to the current status of the majority of their forces.
And to be fair…they had some REALLY excellent victory songs.
III.
Most of the Bards’ songs suggested that, should Alice win, she would enter all the free Kingdoms of the World, rob, and enslave them.
The basic problem is that these things are fun, not efficient. Many dark Lords take so long to reach power that they’re intensely bored and revel in the pleasures of micromanagement and, for that matter, torture. Alice, who had never particularly wanted to rule the World, was hoping to do as little ruling as possible.
It would take quite a lot of time and organization to impose her will on various nations, and Alice really, really wanted the time to do research.
Also, the Bards of Alice’s Empire were notoriously unwelcome in the West.
IV.
Technically, most sentients of the Western lands have at least seen the signs and heard the proclamations explaining that Alice now rules, essentially, the World.
But they’re really rather boring.
Whereas the victory anthems are spectacular. They’re played at sports functions. They’re the big encore song at quite a lot of taverns.
Now, such leadership as the Bards acknowledge having, actually and for real, have made a commitment to accurate songs. They’ve promised that they’ll investigate rumors that some of their anthems may be inaccurate, and, if so, let people know.
After, maybe, one more season of free drinks.
Two at most.
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