a headache in a jar

One floating head,
circling and circling,
not in a widening gyre,

(the falcon can hear
the falconer;
the cellular reception
is excellent).

one floating head,
two crystal skulls,
getting really close to that book deal,
then being hurled back.

one floating head,
ten underwater volcanic eruptions,
two crystal skulls,
when the Seas drank Atlantis,
then complained about the hangover.

it’s the end of the world as we know it,

but not the end of the world as we DON’T know it.

(one floating head,
two crystal skulls,
sixteen cloned Walts Disney,
a three-pronged trident, but no devils to wave it,
ten underwater volcanic eruptions,
when the Sun revolved around Stonehenge,
and cast a strange, twisting shadow,
which, if you chance to read Ancient Sumerian,
forms pictograms for

“Pluto’s still a Planet, dammit.”

Eight pirate ships
seven Kraken,
six ship’s graveyards,
five billion ghosts,
and a partridge
speaking hideous words
never meant for mortal lips,
in a pear tree


A thousand trees,
making up a dark dark forest,
in a dark, dark time,
for the Jersey Devil
to make love
to Mothman;

let’s get weird, friends,
let’s get weird.



“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again

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Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.