(For Joe Mach)
Severus Sneed was lax indeed
When it came to reporting his taxes
He found paying the government cumbersone
And came up with a different praxis.
He felt the government took diamonds
And turned them all into rocks
And so, all by himself,
He stole all the gold in Fort Knox.
But what to put on his taxes?
What could he tell them, pray?
“Illegal gains are not taxable!”
(Which is not true, by the way.”
He’d long planned how to avoid
A Government ready to pounce
Gold drifted slowly into the market;
The money, into Swiss Bank accounts.
He though he’d thought all of the angles
But he never considered the brunt
Of what would happen if, somehow,
He made money with his front.
For his ‘legal’ business, his hidey-hole
His very respectable side
Was to own a popular burger joint
One known far and very, very wide
He bought it one day on a whim
When they didn’t give enough mayo
He let that manager live, though,
After 300 times of singing “Day-O”.
But he took their all-beef burgers
Substituted cardboard
Their real-milk shakes were no more;
They came from powder. Dear Lord!
This beloved place with beloved food
Had ten thousand hungry fans
And those idiots, those stupid fools
They crushed all his plans.
He thought he would buy it, then sell it
All he had to do was break even
But by a horrible twist of fate
He was left sad and bereavin’:
For the customers, who sword
With many a heartfelt vow
That they loved Real Food and Quality—
Liked the food much better now.
The cardboard, the said, was “high quality beef”
Warm, savory, full of juice
Life hands you many cards;
And this time, Sneed drew a deuce.
Turns out that the placebo effect
Has more power than pen or sword
They sword it was the finest beef;
It was the cheapest cardboard.
His restaurant a mighty profit made
Turning his plans helter-skelter
He’d planned to take a modest loss;
Now he needed a huge tax shelter.
Severus Sneed found out—too late
The desire for lies is lusty
Now he’s serving time in debtor’s prison
And his Swiss accounts grow musty.
Thus heed this lesson, my dear friends
Don’t make the mistake that Sneed did
Hire a disreputable accountant
Long before you think one is needed.
_______________
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