(Some asked for more
Goblincore.)
Your home may vary. You might want the opposite of all of this. In that case, we suggest you buy a Hobbit a drink.
Many of us keep rocks that look like faces, sticks that feel nice in the hand, bits of moss, interesting bits of metal, and whatever else seemed worth saving at the time.
Not all Goblins live in circumstances they like. Fortunately, we’re still allowed to be happy. Nobody acts surprised if our plumbing breaks (can you tell I, personally, have a thing against plumbing? No offense to plumbers, those bold defenders of hygiene and my not banging on the bathtub with a stick) but we’re still kinda happy. If we can’t help fix the plumbing, why waste time being sad about it?
A Simple Goblin’s Totally Obvious Way to Arrange Things
Some Goblins like a simple setup. We know. We’re surprised, too. But since that’s easier to describe than something to personalize, we’ll put this here to impress the publisher.
If we had a publisher. Whatever!
“Throw the theologians in the cellar and bring up more oysters and hot sauce!
~Garrison Keilor
The “home” theory:
The randomness of life can sometimes run counter to the glorious chaos of Goblinpunk, because some folks mistakenly believe that we’re all about chaos. Silly. Chaos is ALREADY AROUND IT. We just (a) embrace it and
[looks around to see if anyone is listening]
Whisper: “…sometimes we embrace Order when natural chaos is already at its peak and wouldn’t have any actual fun increasing. Atlantis, take note.”
The Home Theory Of Things
Everybody needs a home. Even if sometimes the home is inside yourself because there’s no reasonable home inside. Just remember to come out and visit the world a lot, or you’ll go insane and stuff like that, and Humans will make fun of you and/or lock you up. Stuff like that.
(Do you know sometimes in the Human world, if you don’t shout loudly “I WANT TO LIVE”, they assume you want to die? The Human world sounds like a scary place for a lot of people.)
The “Home” theory organizes your things (mind, emotions, physical items) like so:
You look at what you got and what you want to put away. And you take as much stuff as possible and make it comfortable (like, if you can, make sure you can easily see everything on a shelf by looking at it), and you make it comfortable. Then you think about yourself, and think about what would increase you comfort and what fees like “home”.
I am going to give you a home that lives in your belly button.
It is transferred via an ancient Goblin ritual called a “Zerbert”. If I may?
(“THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!”
Welcome to our ranks, Goblin pal!
The next part can mostly be done by Goblins because it’s quite silly. It just happens to work. Visualize a home there. A safe place. A place you can go if you feel stressed or worried.
Don’t live JUST there, but when you feel angry or stressed, you’d feel different if you were somewhere safe inside your own home and your own space.
So work REALLY hard on imagining that, and you will train the muscles of your imagination to help take you back there last time you need it.
It’s ridiculous.
But you ARE reading A Goblincore Guide To Life. We’re free. (“Thbbbt!”)
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