Hi! Welcome to our forest! Well, not biologically or magically, but I just love Elven culture. Care for some of that bread that lasts practically forever? You would exit through the gift shop if we had enough profit.
You may have heard that we Elves worship nature. It’s true! Our forest is so healthy you can almost hear the trees and big plans whispering as they coordinate around you.
Now you may have heard about our famous Vampire Trees. That’s ridiculous! For one things, vampires are dead humans, and these trees are quite alive. And they just ADORE the sunlight. And they’re not super mobile. They do NOT need to be invited into your home because they wouldn’t fit anyway.
We’d say that we run the forest as a tourist trap so we can sacrifice you on the ancient magalothic stones, but if I’m being really, really honest…who doesn’t?
Are the ropes comfortable? The ritual can drone on a bit.
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www.patreon.com/thatjeffmach — EVEN the free version – really helps me out.
You can also pick up my books and audiobooks under “Jeff Mach” on Amazon and Audible.
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