We’d apologize fr this, except…it possibly works.
“If you were a dragon, I’d let you burn my entire village down just for the chance to roast marshmallows on the ashes of my former life.”
“You’re giving ‘ancient eldritch entity wearing a human skin suit’ energy and honestly it’s the most stable relationship I’ve been offered in centuries.”
“Did you just weaponize quantum entanglement? Because I feel you collapsing my wave function from three galaxies away and I’m into it, if slightly unsure why gravity is -9.84 meters per second squared right now.”.
“I was a perfectly respectable Dark Lord until you showed up and now my evil monologue keeps derailing into sonnets about your left eyebrow. To be fair, it’s a great eyebrow.”
“Are you a glitch in the simulation? Because every time you blink the loading screen freezes and I forget how to be a functional human and start repeating myself and repeating myself and repeating myself and…”
“You must be made of antimatter, because touching you would probably annihilate us both and I’ve never been more excited to cease existing.”
“I used to collect cursed artifacts. Now I just want to collect your weird little laughs and store them in my soul like illegal contraband. Which they are. And that’s a badge you’re flashing. Oh, fantastic.”
“Warning: prolonged eye contact with you may cause spontaneous alignment shifts from Neutral Evil to Chaotic Horny.
“You’re like a level 9000 final boss who shows up in sweatpants and still makes me want to throw my entire inventory at your feet.”
__________
www.patreon.com/thatjeffmach has lots of free content.
You can also pick up my books and audiobooks under “Jeff Mach” on Amazon and Audible.
“My love for you is like a poorly sealed portal to the Void — extremely unstable, slightly terrifying, and leaking pure cosmic yearning everywhere. Nyarlothotep will buy you dinner to make up for it.”
“Are you the reason my sleep paralysis demon started sending me good morning texts? Because the vibes are immaculate.”
“I was going to conquer the universe today, but then I saw you and now my only evil plan is aggressively cuddling until the heat death of everything. Except possibly you.”
“You’re the human equivalent of licking a nine-volt battery made of concentrated starlight and bad decisions.”
__________
www.patreon.com/thatjeffmach has lots of free content.
You can also pick up my books and audiobooks under “Jeff Mach” on Amazon and Audible.
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