More Advanced Reviews For Our Dwarf Fantasy Dark Lord Novel Once We Write It

“It has been my belief, my entire life, that what the world needed was a fantasy novel involving Dark Lords and Dwarves. Can I have my $20 now?”
-some guy off the street

“You have my axe! But not my review! Leave me alone, you hack!”
-an unnamed Tolkien character

“I would definitely rather read this book than spend a short existence running through a maze being chased by a bizarre yellow mouth until I kill it or` it kills me, then doing it over and over and over again, forever.”
-Pac-Man, who may be a little bitter

“Arguably, I found this more enjoyable than the final book of ‘Game of Thrones’, which I found a little dull.”
-George R. R. Martin

“Not edible. But not bad.”
-The Cookie Monster

“Tolkien may have defined the modern fantasy novel, but Mach has done something even more important: defined what the modern fantasy novel SHOULDN’T be. Put that Hobbit-weed in your pipe and smoke it.”
-Gandalf

“I had several absolutely favorite satirical novels before I drank from the river Lethe and lost all human memory, and it is statistically possible that this was one of them.”
-guy who can’t remember his name

“Mr. Mach’s novel is so visibly the finest work of literature created that he has officially won all of writing. All other writers, put down your keyboards and send him your money.”
-my agent

“I find your lack of actual book…disturbing,”
-the man who set the standard for the future’s Goth armor

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from eternal life, it’s to always say nice things about books written by people who are aiming crossbows at your left eyeball.”

“What the World truly needed was a book about Dwarves.”
-Elves

“If you pretend it’s about Tieflings, it’s quite good.”
-Tieflings

“This is absolutely the finest fantasy book I have ever considered reading in my life.”
-Your one friend who only reads science fiction and believes that “2001” is high fantasy

“If you mention my name in one of your reviews, I will crawl out of my grave, find you, force you to print the review out, shove it down your throat, and punch you in the nose.”
-The Ghost of Harlan Ellison