Once there was a towered Witch
Who flipped a strange Germanic switch
Moving from the Northeastern States
Totheplace where the Grey Alien waits.
Oh! I’m sorry. Did you guess
I’d be talking about the US?
Yes, to answer in the main:
Sure, we did save Hitlers brain.
What good it does! He won’t hold court.
The whole thing was because he was short.
No followers and no cronies.
(They’d either be cannibal skeletons, or bonies).
Please, no complaints or moans
Did you really need your bones?
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When the Moon hits your eye like a big pizzapie
That’s a hallucinogen.
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I’d consider you more credible
If I were sure you were edible.
We’ll do a little testing
Just pretend those toes are healing….
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Do you know what I love?
Or what I truly hate?
Watching masochist female insects
Try to mate.
It’s hard to bite the head off your mate
When you’re tied to the bed,
and already ate.
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You can be becalmed for weeks
Before being eaten by the Kraken of the Deep
It’s lived 40,000 years;
It knows your entire crew will keep.
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Okay, you might be drowned and eaten by a Kelpie
But it’ll make a really awesome selfie.
Although you might wish you’d kilt her
I promise she’ll use the perfect filter.
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I used to think I was manly
Until my karaoke night was invaded by a Banshee.
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Once you’ve been smooched by a manticore
I guarantee you’ll want some more
And even if your loving fails
I guarantee you’ll get some (poison) tail.
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Once you’ve made love to a cockatrice
I guarantee you won’t do it twice.
Unless the eros you really seek
Is being stone-hard, and pecked by a beak.
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I once spent a night with a Harpy
But frankly, the whole thing was a little LARPy.
She used her voice to make me her slave
But she couldn’t even get me to shave.
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He was a Cyclops with two eyes;
His entire life they thought he was telling lies.
His whole species thought he was full of deception
Because he kept talking about depth perception.
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A recommendation about the Ogre:
Never play him in a game of poker.
He’ll have an excellent poker face
And an 8′ club counts as a fifth ace.
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Troll, Troll, guarding my Bridge
Unending, unbending, not even a smidge.
For being solid were Trolls invented.
Not for one moment will he be unbented.
Pay the Toll. Pay the Troll.
For he has no other role.
Pay the toll, or do not cross;
That is his roll. All else is dross.
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Werewolves are dangerous
Werewolves are vicious
But here’s my cookbooks:
Werewolves are delicious.
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Cindy only itches
For really ancient liches
Don’t cry into your tissues;
She’s got great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandaddy issues.
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I was once attacked by a chupacabra;
I beat it off with a candelabra.
Fellow farmers, please take notes:
First at Dracula’d my goats.
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Interrupting any suburban revel
Is a chance of meeting the Jersey Devil.
His entire life is doomed and broken;
He was born in East Hoboken.
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Whatever a bunyip
Might decide to unzip
I won’t stick around;
I’d rather be drowned.
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Do you know what zombie is just pure suckin’?
That horrifyingly mad Turducken.
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