Introduction
Each of the viewpoints below represents a summation of approximately 2,000 years of Intergalactic discussion. If you’d like to read the original books in their original binary language format, simply mail yourself into the nearest sun.
#7. “Somewhere out there is a Giant Space Worm, and somewhere behind it is a Vast Space Fish, and right behind it, at five feet two inches high, drowning in their wake, I’ll be fishing for the next eternity or so. Feel free to text as much as you want; I won’t be anywhere NEAR my phone.”
6. “Because it’s frustrating enough to have to experience the future in an ongoing, haphazard, inexorable but invariantly certain manner; now I have to experience the present that way, too? I thought the Theory of Relativity said that I’d be able to transport directly into my magic flying box. I reject your reality and substitute my own. Pour the rocket fuel!”
5. “I’d like to get into dogfights with spaceships. For that, we need spaceships, lasers, and extremely impractical intergalactic politics.”
4. “I theorize that somewhere out there is an entire planet made out of tofu, and I really, really want to get as close to it as possible just to prove how much I plan to not eat it.”
3. “For Science! Or whatever people convincingly say is ‘Science’, either way!”
2. “If the World doesn’t end tomorrow, we ought to make it our goal to get out there among the Stars. That will lift Humanity’s spirits and collective soul. Or, if, as I rather suspect, Humanity ain’t got none of that, space will be as good a place as any to watch the explosions.”
#1. “Sure, we’re not good at getting along now, but imagine what happens when you open us up to the entire Galactic Community! I mean, humans are foolish in large groups, but they’re in incredibly massive groups, they are simply hilarious!”
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