Even More More Little Poems — Jeff Mach Writes

We’re sorry about these poemettes
We write them with many regrets
We’d write something real,
But then we might feel,
And if that happens…off are all bets!

___

My time machine is broken, then;
It only takes me to Otherwhen
(Or maybe that’s just because
I asked it to take me to Neverwas.)

___

There once was a sentient pig
Who grew most magically big
He preferred sows
Who were the size of cows
(Though for him, they cared not a fig.)

The Midgard Serpent, I am told
Engirdles the entire World
But ask the Kraken (if you dare)
Just where its tail is curled.

The Infinite End of All Things
Grew an inconvenient pair of wings
And escaped from their pen
Flew to Earth, and then…
Well, just don’t answer when The End rings.

Squeeze the stress ball ’til it bursts,
You’re doing it a favor
The stress ball stresses until it hurts;
Death’s a relaxing savor.

I once dated a superhero
She had the power to change poems
So that they no longer rhymed
And were extremely complimentary towards her,
because she was awesome and she deserved it,
damn her.

“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again

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