Sayings of the Aerie of the Short-Tailed Griffins:
“Fly free as the East Wind. Or, if you want, the East Wind, which has a reasonable subscription rate. But don’t fly the North Wind, there’s a paywall.”
“Don’t mate with anything that has over 250% more claws, fangs, poison, and spiked tails than you do.”
“If it isn’t food, don’t eat it twice.”
Sayings of the Gelatinous Cube of the Undermountain
“SQUISH!”
Sayings of the Sumatran Rats Beneath the Great Palace of the Lost Kingdom:
“Trash? Sure. WITH A PEDIGREE!”
“Only we know why Sherlock Holmes is an honorary one of us; and we’re not telling. Your species is not ready.”
“If it’s food, eat it. If it’s not food, find out who cursed you, ascertain which species you have become, and figure out how to get yourself back to glorious normal rodenthood, as soon as possible.”
Sayings of the Black Knight of the Iron Sphere:
“Do you know how hard it is to unpolish armor?”
“You are what you are until whatever you aren’t eats you.”
Sayings of the Golem of the Temple of the North
(This is a surprisingly agile interpretive dance.)
Sayings of the Bard of Lankhmar
“Our misunderstanding is simple:
There’s no wives in the land where I’m from
And I’ve got some quite good directions
Spare my life, and I might give you some.”
and furthermore:
“A loaf of bread, a jug of wine,
I’ll drink all of yours,
You touch none of mine.”
Sayings of the Chaos Mage of the SouthNorth
“Absinthe is not technically a poison.”
“For I have dined on honeydew, and drank the milk of paradise, albeit not at the same time.”
Sayings of the Mad God
“That’s right, class, being ‘immune’ to holy symbols means that you don’t flee in terror when you see ’em. It doesn’t mean you’ve got a lot of leverage when someone puts one of ’em through your skull, especially the point ones, and trust me, they’re ALL pointy!”
“Develop your brain, and you’ll never go hungry. bbbrrrRAAAIIIIIIIIIIiiiinnnzzz!”
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
