The Grand Vizier’s Banquet

This was how Alice tested her Grand Viziers:

She said she wanted to interview them over dinner, which was true. When they arrived, servants began bringing them courses.

An oddly wonderful little salmon amuse-bouche in, of all things, an ice cream cone.

Beautifully fresh raw oysters on ice.

Rare strips of raw, very fresh red meat.

There was no special significance to any dish; Alice’s chefs seldom had a chance to show off, and they wanted to do so.

And then the courses kept coming.

Suckling pig.

An army of chicken wings.

Beef Wellington (Wellington was an extremely famous chef-warrior of the previous times.)

And wine. Plenty of wine.

Puffed pastries, creampuffs, soufflés, soups of every size and description–even gazpacho for those who got used to the heat.

Alice had a little speech….perhaps it was a talk, as it wasn’t a monologue? As they ate, she pointed out that the servants would be quite happy to eat anything they didn’t, and the Vizier-in-Potentia could have as much or as little as they wanted.

She talked about some of the challenges of ruling, semi-ruling, or theoretically ruling several kingdoms and/or a world.

She also told them, eventually, that this was a test, sometime around the turkey, carved roast beef, and ham steaks.

She said she was looking for someone with the greed and ambition needed to be a vizier, but the self-control to stop eating when they were full.

Of the first six:

Two got so drunk she couldn’t talk to them. This did not go well.

Two ate until they were visibly stuffed, then just kept on going, to the point where it was apparently making one sick, and DID make the other sick.

And one pushed aside the food after the appetizers and said,

“This is wonderful food. I’m sure that if we’re good to each other, there will be plenty of it. Want to talk now?”

Thus did Larissa Moonbane become Grand Vizer to Alice.

It’s strange that so many experienced, powerful people would give up all hope of a powerful position because of their hungry instincts.

But of such are most Viziers made.

Alice was sure Larissa had her own versions of treachery, dangerous, and self-interest, but that was all right; she’d fit right in.

“All right,” said Alice. “Unless you prove to be an idiot or totally unqualified, you’re hired.”

Larissa nodded and cut another small piece of beef strip.

_________

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Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He'd love for you to check out patreon.com/jeffmach for his favorite work (it's almost all free!) He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market and The Big Dark Lord Dwarf Novel. You can get his last novel, "I HATE YOUR Prophecy", or his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books of shortt fiction. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on X or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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