The standard Hobbit meals, we are told, are Breakfast, Second Breakfast , Elevenses, Luncheon, Afternoon Tea, Dinner, and Supper.
Really?
No Second Luncheon? No Midnight Snack? Tolkien, you clearly don’t know your Hobbits.
In point of fact, Hobbits have only one meal.
Panhobbitaea.
One gigantic meal encompassing all. All of the food, every snack, every cake, every haunch of beef, all together, not melted or glued, but melding into each other, forming the Great Meal.
It is written:
In ages past, when the Seas drank Atlantis and could’ve had a V-8, all meals were a single Meal, and in that Meal were the power of ten thousand thousand thousand elevenses, and a few twelves and thirteenses thrown in for good measure.
The force of that culinary Power cannot be named or even understood by mortal beings, but all things which live stood long under its sway. Such was the state of things until ancient Heroes overthrew the tyranny of the Monolithic Dining Experience and wreaked havoc upon its state of Perfect Culinary Singularity.
This is why Hobbits have no Rings.
They have the One Meal instead.
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“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― There and Never, Ever Back Again
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