(This is, of course, a follow-up to Why You Should Date An Orc.)
Humans have fascinatingly poor memories for various ideas of what we consider attractive. Ask the average evolutionary biologist, and they’ll tell you that human ideas of beauty have changed so often that anyone who edits a fashion magazine should be legitimately made entirely out of shame and sadness.
(Although it is difficult to trust evolutionary biologists in fantasy worlds, since there are many worlds in which Evolution does not involve the intervention of Bajoombah the Unwary.)
But here’s why you should REALLY date an Orc.
10. Some of them are Nazgul, which is triple extra hot.
9. No Orcs are Hufflepuffs.
8. They ain’t Kobolds, either.
7. Orcs are very good at erotic intimate relations. I mean, they may bite your head off after sex, but really, who wouldn’t?
6. It’s not easy being green, but it sure increases your libido.
5. Orcs are (as noted) green, and therefore vegan.
4. This is a very large axe.
3. It is usually the gift of an Orc family to the lucky groom.
2. This gift is often placed directly into your treasure store
- But might be buried in your skull, instead.
In summation, this only scratches the surface of the extraordinary possibilities available for Orc dating. We recommend you explore the possibilities available, although, really, it’s entirely possible that the Orc in question will already be prepared for exploration, and will have brought their compass and their pickaxe. If you don’t know why, we imagine you’ll find out. If so, please tell us?
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My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I write rather a lot of fantasy and science fiction, often (but not always) satire or a bit of dark huYou can get most of my books right here. Go ahead, order “I HATE Your Prophecy“. It may make you into a bad person, but I can live with that.
