Reasons To Date An Orc Girl

(This is, of course, a follow-up to Why You Should Date An Orc.)

Humans have fascinatingly poor memories for various ideas of what we consider attractive. Ask the average evolutionary biologist, and they’ll tell you that human ideas of beauty have changed so often that anyone who edits a fashion magazine should be legitimately made entirely out of shame and sadness. But here’s why you should REALLY date an Orc.

10. Some of them are Nazgul, which is triple extra hot.

9. No Orcs are Hufflepuffs.

8. They ain’t Kobolds, either.

7. Orcs are very good at erotic intimate relations. I mean, they may bite your head off after sex, but really, who wouldn’t?

6. It’s not easy being green, but it sure increases your libido.

5. Orcs are (as noted) green, and therefore vegan.

4. This is a very large axe.

3. It is usually the gift of an Orc family to the lucky groom.

2. This gift is often placed directly into your treasure store

  1. But might be buried in your skull, instead.
Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.