Dwarves are, depending on thy reckoning, either some of the most complicated beings in the World (living underground as if rock were air and air were almost optional) or very, very simple (gold, meat, gold, gold, mead, gold, gold, mining, gold, meat, gold).
How do Dwarves romance each other? We hoped you’d ask.
“If our mine were to collapse, and I was able to save most of the gold, I would definitely go back for you second.”
“Are you a pickaxe? Because I want to hold you lovingly in my hands and use you to shatter rocks.”
“Rubies are of little value compared to somewhat bigger rubies. Also, you have nice eyes. Although rubies are nicer, obviously. But seriously, nice eyes. Could be a bit redder.”
“If you were a series of igneous rocks, I, for one, would welcome the cave-in.”
“I would slay ten thousand Orcs for you. Of course, I would slay ten thousand Orcs anyway, but I wouldn’t do it nearly so fast.”
“Let us enjoy dinner and a movie, and since movies have not yet been invented, let us, instead, mine for gold.”
“GUARDS! GUARDS! HE HAS STOLEN MY HEART! QUICKLY, PAT HIM DOWN TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN’T TAKE ANYTHING VALUABLE, LIKE GOLD!”
“My soul was as cold as rock until you split it open to get at the precious Love within. I always hoped there’d be fine metals or something, but this is good, too.”
“Let’s go back to your place and compare beards.”
“You are finer than the finest hammer, shinier than the third-purest gold, and you smell better than a metal smelter on an Autumn day.”
“All the others are as bronze; but you are surely at least silver.”
“All I wish is a good pipe at the end of day, a plate of meat, a cup of mead, a mountain of treasure sufficient to overtip this continent into a sodden doom within the Great Northern Sea, and you.”
“Want to go pants some Elves?”
“Perhaps we might read the words of the Ancients who came before and instruct ourselves in the proper placement of wheat and grain, after which we can canoodle under the stalagmites.”
“The moment I saw you, I realized I wished to raise children with you and begin a dynasty that shall lead all Dwarvenkind for a thousand years. After we mine for some gold, of course.”
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