“If I hadn’t been re-animated and thrust helplessly into the eternal battle between Light and Dark as a hideous unliving mockery of my former self, I would totally buy you a drink.”
“You just took my breath away! And since I haven’t breathed for over three centuries, that’s IMPRESSIVE.”
“Erase the words on my forehead which animate my sick, sad, corpselike parody of an unliving thing if I’m wrong, but aren’t Dragons fond of giving away gold and sticking their heads into large bodies of water just as they’re about to breathe flame?”
“BRAAAINS. BRAAAAAINS. Get coffee sometime? BRAAAAAAAAAINS.”
“So if you’re here, who’s busy stoking the endless fires of the infinite iron furnaces of the Seventh Hell?”
“Was your parent a Thief? Because you picked the lock on my heart, stole all the gold within, and traded it for six ounces of brass caltrops and a really sharp dart.”
“If we could escape from the Necromancer’s vast fortress, I would definitely take you on a lovely picnic where I’d win you over with my marinated flesh-of-the-living and my secret recipe for asparagus sauce.”
“Your eyes are like the Ocean: mysterious, dark, and full of fossilized reanimated sharks.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I die again and rise slowly from my accursed grave a second time?”
“You know, when the Daemon-King Bajoombah thrust a stolen soul between the brittle ribcage of your ancient skeleton and bade you join his deathless army to slaughter the living, he was really showing off, because you’re kinda hot, in an ‘I’m hoping to set you on fire’ kinda way.”
“If I were a cat, I’d spend 8 lives on you, and all of my undeath on you, and just spend the one remaining life trying to get rid of this ghostly hairball.”
____
Find me on Twitter.
Read my books.
