When they finally finished investigating the Secret Conspiracy Theories that everyone swore didn’t exist, they found out a few things:
- Secret societies exist.
- EVERYONE is a member of a secret society. Or almost everyone. Maybe not you, but certainly all the people around you.
You might ask how this is possible. We sure asked that. The answer is a variant on Rule 34. Unfortunately, whether or not a particular Secret Society, ESPECIALLY a powerful, sinister one like the Illuminati or the United Dairy Farmers & Murderers, Inc., actually exists…
….as soon as certain kinds of people hear about them, they try to join them. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail. If the failure doesn’t actually kill those people, they have a simple solution: THEY can start a secret society with the same name and the same (possibly mythological) ancient background.
This doesn’t displease, for example, The Illuminati. Lots of organizations claim to be Illuminated. The more there are, the more they are false leads, distracting people away from the REAL Illuminati.
…if only they could figure out which one IS real.
Some see this as sinister. And it is indeed weird to know that not only do all of your neighbors harbor a dark and terrifying Unspeakable Knowledge, they didn’t invite YOU. They must be out to get you!
We do not see this as sinister. This is possibly because we have enough visible enemies that we don’t worry about counting them; if we also have invisible enemies, we see no particular reason to worry; we can’t count THEM, either.
On the minus side, quite a lot of Secret Societies do horrible things, like sacrificing virgin hyenas to Set (who really doesn’t enjoy this at all, but is too busy feuding with his family to do anything about it.)
On the plus side, the immediate Human urge to say, “Hey, I don’t know that, and I want to know that. If I can’t find it, I’ll MAKE it” is the thing that keeps us reading. We suspect it keeps you reading. It might inspire a few assassins, impersonators, bad actors, and Bards; but it also inspires you to read this, for which I’m grateful.
We have a whole group of people who are grateful for other creative people. You might almost call us a society.
We’re not a secret society, though. Everyone knows that Creators are not quietly organized into a gigantic conspiracy against everyone else. Sounds ridiculous, looks ridiculous, and there’s no visible proof.
Which is EXACTLY the same as the Illuminati, now that we think about it. Except we don’t sacrifice hyenas to set; we sacrifice our hands, fingers, eyes, and any number of bruises, scrapes, and mental injuries on the alter of Making Things.
But we’re not the Illuminati.
At least, YOU’RE not. And I promise I’m not either.
I swear by on Set AND a whole bunch of dead hyenas.
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If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy one of my audiobooks. You never know. You can find my audiobooks here.
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