I’ve always loved the Underdark, although I don’t think you need to know anything about any edition of D&D to get some sense of the creature that even the official documents called ‘Gogglers’.
I think I may end up writing more about them. I do love the Underdark.
Also, they served a dark and hungry God… ..Blibdoolpoolp. I wrote about her, as well…
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I suspect that the Kuo-Toa
Would not have been saved by some underdark Noah;
That the beasts who built their own Gods
Created their own unbeatable odds.
Contagious madness? Who’d have thought?
Shouldn’t have let themselves get caught.
Nobody’s better at wishing that the Illithid
Would get into disagreements with giant squid.
Sadly, they were driven quite insane
By the Flayers of the Brain,
And the Worshippers of the Spider Queen
And various things unholy, unclean…
…inhuman, inhumane, unbelievable,
Unspeakable beyond belief, inconceivable,
What we’re saying is (in a nutshell, pal, you
Shouldn’t go Underdark for high property value.)
Inside the giant mushroom forest
Hear the Llolth-cultist chorus
With eyes that see into the ethereal,
The Kuo-Tuo are weirder than Azothoth’s cereal.
Got some bad news from the Oorg-Poolgoopan
Telling you to slay a wood-Elf clan.
Then the Pincers of the Priest-King
Send you to the inquisition (they hate how you sing).
The Kuo-Toa are theocratic slaves
With little time for celebrations or raves
Their primary hobby (when they’re allowed time)
Is hanging out and excreting slime.
And trying to take over minds,
And becoming more psionic
World dominion attempts?
With the Illithid, they’re cronic.
And sure, their worship of Aboleths
Is sure to cause some hasty deaths;
Their fawning over Leviathan
Creates horror etc. beyond mortal ken…
But most of all, the undersea gogglers
Are multiple category togglers:
Half shambling things of eldritch night,
Half inhabitants of seas too deep for light.
How strange and delightful, these undersea
Parodies of you and me.
What very peculiar creatures! We will forever thank
Whoever can tell us what brand of Absinthe ’twas that Gygax drank.
~Jeff Mach
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
