From my new Dragon musical

THE NARRATOR: “Big Folks Are Nimrods”

Once upon a time there was no once upon a time
Because even Time would not admit to hosting something quite so stupid.
And if you think that’s harsh, let’s lay a little bet between us;
I’ll bid a barrel of scrumple; what’ll you bid?

See there was a Kingdom (ain’t there always a Kingdom?)
And the point that rendered the thing dumb
Was the sheer force of denial
You live with Unicorns, Wizards, and Hobbits;
Believing in Dragons oughtn’t be some dire mental trial.

But nevertheless, the King made no plans, the Vizier schemed,
But not for this. The Knights said, “No sweat”, and bright their armor gleamed.
‘Till the whole thing was ruined by mile-high blood splatter
And if my narrative seems to scatter
Just wait ‘til we tell the story itself…

The Princes, a fair made, new Dragonlore,
And besides, she’d been on some rotten dates before.
The chains were promising, and might have been fun
But her suitor was a lizard who didn’t want none.

One day the Dragon came, as is Draconic wont,
Ate all the sheep, ‘til the peasants were gaunt,
And in an ancient alien voice, like ice scraping on ice,
The Dragon made demands, and they weren’t very nice.

A Princess of the Blood Royale
Would provide the beast its feast.
And that’s where we start the flood, my pal:
As the King prepares his daughter to be messily deceased.

Nothing works out as planned, and everything is doomed;
You’ll owe me more whiskey than can fit in this room, you ape.
And here we go!

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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