We interrupt tonight’s news to bring you a breaking update. Although most news seems to be about things breaking, doesn’t it? It’s as if it isn’t news if everything is shiny and well-designed.
It appears that Doctor Doom has taken over this very television station, or mostly, and laid bare our minds to his total mind control, or mostly,
His telepathic powers are awesome,
But he does have a tendency to digress.
It’s very useful in his improv classes,
And he’s hoping to do a local open mic night in the near future—
Sorry, apparently some of those
Were inside-thoughts,
Not broadcast brainwaves,
not intended for public consumption.
At this distance, it’s hard to tell,
But the point is that he now controls this station,
And soon he will have some Hot Pockets,
Sorry,
I mean,
Soon he will take over your mind as well,
For example, I, myself, am not exactly completely unable to stop myself from saying these things out loud,
But in my defense, they ARE newsworthy,
And the telepathic powers at work are of excellent quality,
And now I want a Hot Pocket.
Do we have any Hot Pockets?
….apparently, I’m not the only one under telepathic compulsion here,
There’s a hot pocket riot near the vending machine;
Whoever owns this machine will be rich,
If we don’t tear the machine,
Or each other,
To bits.
At any rate,
Dr. Doom has decided to spend a little time
On a remote mountain
Improving his technique
Before he comes back to take over everything.
Fear him,
For he shall stay there, focusing the awesome powers
Of his parietal lobe
And doing nothing but testing his brain
And eating all of the hot pockets
Which he just stole
From the machine
Without even paying for them,
The jerk.
