Agent Jayme Bonts reassured the lovely woman by his side. “I don’t think he ever thought we’d get out of those shackles. Fortunately, a soft-hearted guard gave me a toothpick with my last meal, and I was able to use it to unlock my wrists. He’s dead now; wrong business to have a soft-heart, don’t you know.”
He carefully listened at the old-fashioned but massively difficult combination lock on the safe that was taller than his own powerful 6’2” frame. “Shhhh,” he said, needlessly. “This is very difficult.” The girl flashed him a look of adoration. “It’s an antique safe because the radioactive machine within messes with all modern electronics. Perfectly safe for humans, though I wouldn’t try to charge my cellphone within a hundred feet of it.”
And with a loud CRACKING noise, the safe fell open. Within was a very odd device, inexplicable even to the agent. The girl (whose name was Dr. Rider, and was an expert in nuclear physics, but who cares) began to examine it. “Unbelievable”, she breathed. “No moving parts, it looks almost like a statue, perhaps like something used by the Sumerians millennia ago.”
The Agent, however, had noted a letter attached to the far wall. He walked over, plucked it from its place, broke the seal, and began reading:
“Dear Agent and Doctor,
Do you remember when I held you firmly in place with unbreakable cuffs whilst I told you all about the machine, its powers and properties, its very few weaknesses, and its exact location? I even had the hubris to let slip a piece of the combination, certain that even your famed skills wouldn’t let you crack it open in time even if you escaped.
Everything was true except for most of that.
This is a duplicate of the correct safe. It’s even a duplicate of the correct device, except that whole thing about the radiation destroying machinery around it is an elaborate trick to fool your government into giving me a great deal of money. No, the object you have is based on an ancient Sumerian statue, and it has at its heart some extremely deadly radioactive material.”
They were interrupted by a huge CLANG! ..and the door shut, plunging them into darkness.
But in a moment, enough emergency light came on that the frantic agent, ignoring the scientist (who had fainted dead away) was able to read the rest of the letter.
“Do you remember my henchman Eyegor, whom you beat up at the Casino? I left him, wearing lots of lead, in the same room as the safe. You probably didn’t notice; he’s good at hiding, and you had plenty to distract you. By now, I’m fairly sure he must have closed the door on you. You might be able to get out. I hope so. I look forward to defeating you again. I mean, if you live long enough. This is a lethal dose of radiation, and you’re unshielded and very close to it. I hope you weren’t too fond of your hair or sex life.”
“Below are detailed instructions for my next caper. Only one or two pertinent facts are absolutely, completely wrong.”
“I’m not sure why you Heroes keep believing monologues. Do you think one can create an atomic device that threatens the world AND be an idiot at the same time?”
“Of course you do. You’re a Hero.”
“Good luck in your escape.”
Sincerely yours,
Dr. Atomico,
MD, PhD., member of United Society Of Unscrupulous Nuclear Scientists, United.
_____________
I wrote a free Goblincore manual!
Comments are closed.