This is TOTALLY not based on a completely true story.
My girlfriend hates my apartment
And it really isn’t fair
I’ve swept at least half of the surfaces
Covered in Mammoth hear
I’ve pointed other guys are slobs,
And it shouldn’t slow us down—why us?
She said, “The Earth hasn’t seen such turmoil
Until the younger Dryas.”
My girlfriend, she makes video games
With puzzles past my mind
I’d say she was trying to make me insane
But I hope she’s not thusly inclined.
“I WON’T go in! I won’t! I shan’t!”
She shrieks, while running from
My mostly-harmless Triffed Plant
‘ I tell her it’s blinded few visitors
And even fewer digested
“I feel like I’m in the Paris Sewer,” she replies
“Of it or me be divested!”
I’d sure grieve to lose her
Do you know what I chose?
Well, of all the people reading this,
Do we have any “Type O”s?
“This is a pigsty!” she said!
I replied, “certainly not!”
Then came a rain of warthogs
I’d temporarily forgot
“All right,” I concede
The place could use a dusting
And something for all the giant spiders,
And all the tech a-rusting.”
“Perhaps, when all was said and done
I oughtn’t lease space to Area 51.
And though I was certain it would pass,
That seems to be the Universe’s missing mass.”
“Please excuse the gravities;
They’re needed for the bumblebees.”
As rumbling through the basement den
Are eight million bees—
Maybe ten.”
“And okay!: continued I
Perhaps a few did accidentally die
But bearing a murderous appartion
Is part of the course of Love’s tradition.
She looked at me and shook her head.
I expected a quote; she’s quite well read:
But I got this instead,
This is precisely what she said:
“I love you, you know, she whispered sweet,
I love you so, dear lover”
“But for now, you can go to Hell
I looked ‘round and replied,
“You mean there’s ANOTHER?”
_____________-
If you enjoyed this piece, be aware that inexpensive psychiatric help IS available in many communities. You should look for “A Goblincore Guide To Life”, coming out soon, or our game about ‘Kicking Writer’s Block in the Nads”.
Or check out Ways To Help Authors and Other Maniacs — Jeff Mach Writes+
Comments are closed.